Galilee

The last two or three days in Israel have been full of peaks and valleys for me. First of all, I apologize if I sound like a whiny little girl in this post at times. I'm guessing that I will, because coming to Israel has been harder on me than I could ever have imagined.

Looking back, I planned this trip with a complete disregard for how it would feel like to so isolated from my friends and family. When I realized that if I wanted to come to Israel this summer, I would have to come alone, my desire to come to Israel told me that it wouldn't be a big deal.

It is definitely a big deal.

If being here has taught me anything so far, it’s that the people I care about are more important to me than anything else. I understood the full extent of this, looking at the sun rising over the Golan Heights onto the Sea of Galilee. It was breathtakingly beautiful and all I could think about was, “I wish I had someone I loved here to experience this with me, I wish my mom and my family and my friends could see this with me, I wish they were here to talk with and share in this with me.”
Don’t get me wrong. Camping on the shores of the Galilee was a cool experience. Walking where Jesus walked, seeing the Jordan and the Galilee and the ruins of houses and synagogues is a very cool experience, but they still felt empty to me.

I believe that I will work through most of this loneliness, but what I have realized is that it without people I love, nothing is worth anything to me. I was sitting in Capernaum, where Jesus lived and taught for a time, looking at a body of water that Jesus walked on, and I would have given almost anything to be at home, hanging out with my family.

The feelings that I have are almost certainly due in part to the newness of being a stranger in a strange land, but I think there is more to it than that. I thought that I could lone ranger it in Israel for over a month without any problem, mostly because I thought my passion for Israel would be enough to compensate for being alone, but it’s not. I know, now more than ever, that I can’t be who God is calling me to be, without community.

But, in spite of all this, I have had a wonderful day. I am back in Tel Aviv, stocking groceries in a store and talking with Amir and Regev and their friends. I’ll probably go to Jerusalem tomorrow, but right now it’s just good to be hanging out with Israeli’s. Who would have thought that I would enjoy that more than seeing all the sites in Galilee?

Anyway, it looks like the next stop will be Jerusalem. I am looking forward to seeing the sites there. Next we might go with Regev to see Masada and the Dead Sea.

Thanks again to my family and my friends for your thoughts and prayers. I miss you all and I appreciate our friendship.

--Brett

Shalom Israel

Well, I made it to Israel. After all the planning and preparation, it's weird to think that I'm finally here. I don't know what it is, but the whole process of traveling feels very strange to me. You get into a plane and several hours later you step out into a muggy walkway through the airport and out into a completely different culture.
As most of you probably know, I have a lot of love for Israel and Jewish people. Figuring out more about how God is calling me to respond to this aspect of my nature is one of the main reasons I decided to come to Israel. However, there are certainly a lot of things that seem to be standing in the way of this. For one, it's pretty hard for me to be around lots of people I don't know and that makes me feel a little anxious about traveling around in Israel. Here I feel like most people will see me as just another tourist here to buy trinkets and get my taste of the Holy Land.

On the other hand there are definitely a lot of things that have gone really well so far. I was met in the airport by a friend of mine named Dalton, who is also in Israel for a while. He and I have been staying in the attic of a grocery store, owned by a couple Israeli guys Dalton met. The store is located in a moshav near Tel Aviv. Both of the guys are really cool and I have been learning a lot from them. There names are Amir and Regev.

I don't know what I thought Israel would feel like, but right now its hard for me to tell how I feel. The constant decisions that I am having to make have been making it difficult to be present and connected.

Where we going? When are we going there? How are we going to get there? Where are we going to stay? These questions linger in my mind, demanding to be answered.

All I really want to do though is somehow just live in the moment and trust the Lord to guide my paths and my conversations. I think that this is the only way that I will be able to experience the presence of God on a moment by moment basis.

I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone who might be reading this. In truth my writing is probably pretty scattered, partially because my thoughts themselves are pretty scattered.

Anyway I feel like the Lord is leading me to Galilee right now so I've got to be going.

Thank you Jesus, for the ways that you've guided me, the ways you spoken to me and revealed yourself to me. You have always been faithful to me and you've always provided for me. I say that I trust you now for everything that I have and everything that I'm doing, even the little things. Thank you for the people you've put in my life. Thank you for Blake, for awesome heart that you've put in him, and the way that you have used him so powerfully to encourage and inspire me. Thank you for all of the Norman Community people, and how they are somehow completely different than me, and a lot like me at the same time. Most of all thank you for all of your presence, your glory, your goodness, and your love. You are everything to me.

Psalm 25: 8-10

Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

What I Hope This Will Be

Though I've toyed with the idea of starting a blog in the past, it has never really taken root. Expressing my thoughts in writing has always been a fairly private enterprise for me and it is not something I do frequently. As it stands, I am somewhat of an idealist when it comes to writing. Whenever I resolve to translate a thought into words, I usually struggle and strive with it until I’ve convinced myself that I’ve articulated the thought as best as I know how. The whole process feels a lot like what I would imagine passing a kidney stone feels like. Needless to say, I am trying to move away from that. I want writing to become a pleasant and rewarding experience for me, and I’m hoping this helps. I still feel pretty precarious about displaying pieces of myself for just anyone to read, but I read a post from Blake Studdard's blog that made me want to get over that. I think to be a good writer, or any kind of artist, you have to be comfortable with disclosing parts of your soul to anyone who might care to look. I’m not saying that I think I’m some kind of an artist, but I am trying to become a good writer. I don't really know what that makes me, perhaps a neophyte, or maybe a tyro. Anyway, I think this will be good for me.

So I guess I’m going to give this a shot. I can't say that I’m going to reveal all of my inmost thoughts and feelings, but I will attempt to disclose some of them. I’ve been trying to write a book and if I feel especially intrepid one day, I may post some of it. I’m also going to Israel in a little over a week from now and I plan on using this site to keep people updated. Who knows I might even throw in some pictures.

Whatever it looks like though, I want to take the things that I’ve experienced in my life and in the time I’ve spent with the Lord and share them people. Perhaps this will be one expression of that desire.

I do appreciate those of you who will read this, and I hope that I somehow will manage to produce something that speaks to you.