I am currently engrossed in an epic struggle to prepare for a final that I am in no way ready to take, so I’m afraid I have no deep insight to offer right now. I expect that I will soon be able to write a bit about my trip as a whole and what I have learned, but for now I only have a few words.
Today I opened the 23rd letter sent to me by my friends and family. These letters, as well as all the other messages and emails I’ve received have given me a great of joy and encouragement, both from their content and from the simple reminder that people are thinking about me. It’s hard for me to believe how much God has blessed me with such a great family, and with so many friends, who love me and pray for me.
In coming to Israel, I have realized how important these people are to me and I would even go so far as to say I have developed a much deeper love for them. There are many things I will take from Israel, but in this place I plan on leaving all my days of taking friends and family and community for granted.
So, to all my loved ones:
Thank you. Thank you for your prayers and for investing your lives in me. Thank you for being Jesus to me. Without you, I would be a shell of who I am now. I can’t wait to get back and see you all in a few days.
Until then…
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
22
Well friends, it’s way to late for me to be writing this, but I haven’t posted anything in a while and this seems to be a fitting occasion to post something.
Earlier today, I figured out that tomorrow marks the beginning of both the 22nd day I’ve been in Israel and the 22nd year I’ve been on this earth. I’m not sure if it’s just coincidence or if there is some hidden meaning; I think maybe it’s better to wonder.
A part of me does wish I knew though. I wish I could write something terrible clever right now, that would be full of significance and insight into all of the subtle similarities between these two journeys. Unfortunately, I’m short on the necessary elements for such a work (time, energy, insight, and wit ect...), but if you’ll bare with me, I hope I’ll at least explain a little of what I see as I take the opportunity to reflect on what God is speaking to me at this time in my life.
One thing I’ve become aware of, especially since I’ve been here, is that God has a way of working in my life without my being aware of what he is doing. I’m not sure if I understand his reason for this, but as I just told you, his way of doing things is often beyond my capacity to comprehend. Looking back, this has been a point of contention between the Lord and myself. I can remember many bitter spiritual seasons, permeated with disillusionment and frustration. Most of my life, I’ve tried to prove myself to God, always doubting his intentions toward me and always hoping he would give me concrete answers about who I am and how he feels about me. The thing about concrete though, is that it is awfully heavy and usually lacking in beauty and grace.
Nevertheless, in coming to Israel, I wanted to find clarity about why God has put things like Israel, Judaism, and Hebrew on my heart. Moreover, I still wanted those solid answers to a lot of the deep questions I’ve carried for so long.
Why do You impart desire and calling into me that You leave unsatisfied? Why do You whisper hopes and dreams that remain unfulfilled? Why have You left me here to wander, between the dreaming and the coming true?
I can’t say God has answered these questions, but I can tell you he has been changing the way I see them. Being here has allowed me to see that I don’t need to know his plans for me, in order for me to be ok. Because, it not his plans that I need to put my trust in. I think one of the main reasons he has brought me to Israel was to waylay me here and strip me of everything that I thought I needed that wasn’t him, even his plans.
I thought it was important that I have the answers to all these questions, but I realize now, that the only reason I wanted the answers is so I could own them. But I don’t want the answers anymore. I know now that I only wanted them so that I could have something to remind me of who I am and where I’m going and why. I wanted to point to them and say, “That is how I know God loves me. Look at this, I’m practically indispensable to him.” I confess these things now, to you who are reading this and to God, and I’m saying I repent. Remind me of this, if I start to need those answers again. Remind me that there was once a time when said “I don’t want the answers anymore." The only way I would need them is if I didn’t have God. I don’t need answers, I don’t need reasons, and I don’t need an important identity, I just need Jesus. My trust is in the Lord, the Lover of My Soul, the Dreamer of Dreams, and the Giver of All Good Things.
Right now I can honestly say that I feel more weak and broken and blind than I have ever felt in my life. I’m a lonely, emotional, mess of a human being who can’t seem to learn Hebrew and who can’t seem to figure out how to give Jesus to people. And somehow this is better, somehow this is all part of his Dream for me.
Earlier today, I figured out that tomorrow marks the beginning of both the 22nd day I’ve been in Israel and the 22nd year I’ve been on this earth. I’m not sure if it’s just coincidence or if there is some hidden meaning; I think maybe it’s better to wonder.
A part of me does wish I knew though. I wish I could write something terrible clever right now, that would be full of significance and insight into all of the subtle similarities between these two journeys. Unfortunately, I’m short on the necessary elements for such a work (time, energy, insight, and wit ect...), but if you’ll bare with me, I hope I’ll at least explain a little of what I see as I take the opportunity to reflect on what God is speaking to me at this time in my life.
One thing I’ve become aware of, especially since I’ve been here, is that God has a way of working in my life without my being aware of what he is doing. I’m not sure if I understand his reason for this, but as I just told you, his way of doing things is often beyond my capacity to comprehend. Looking back, this has been a point of contention between the Lord and myself. I can remember many bitter spiritual seasons, permeated with disillusionment and frustration. Most of my life, I’ve tried to prove myself to God, always doubting his intentions toward me and always hoping he would give me concrete answers about who I am and how he feels about me. The thing about concrete though, is that it is awfully heavy and usually lacking in beauty and grace.
Nevertheless, in coming to Israel, I wanted to find clarity about why God has put things like Israel, Judaism, and Hebrew on my heart. Moreover, I still wanted those solid answers to a lot of the deep questions I’ve carried for so long.
Why do You impart desire and calling into me that You leave unsatisfied? Why do You whisper hopes and dreams that remain unfulfilled? Why have You left me here to wander, between the dreaming and the coming true?
I can’t say God has answered these questions, but I can tell you he has been changing the way I see them. Being here has allowed me to see that I don’t need to know his plans for me, in order for me to be ok. Because, it not his plans that I need to put my trust in. I think one of the main reasons he has brought me to Israel was to waylay me here and strip me of everything that I thought I needed that wasn’t him, even his plans.
I thought it was important that I have the answers to all these questions, but I realize now, that the only reason I wanted the answers is so I could own them. But I don’t want the answers anymore. I know now that I only wanted them so that I could have something to remind me of who I am and where I’m going and why. I wanted to point to them and say, “That is how I know God loves me. Look at this, I’m practically indispensable to him.” I confess these things now, to you who are reading this and to God, and I’m saying I repent. Remind me of this, if I start to need those answers again. Remind me that there was once a time when said “I don’t want the answers anymore." The only way I would need them is if I didn’t have God. I don’t need answers, I don’t need reasons, and I don’t need an important identity, I just need Jesus. My trust is in the Lord, the Lover of My Soul, the Dreamer of Dreams, and the Giver of All Good Things.
Right now I can honestly say that I feel more weak and broken and blind than I have ever felt in my life. I’m a lonely, emotional, mess of a human being who can’t seem to learn Hebrew and who can’t seem to figure out how to give Jesus to people. And somehow this is better, somehow this is all part of his Dream for me.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I understand why the Israelites complained.
When I used to read about the Exodus, I could never understand the Israelites. They had clearly seen the Lord move in power multiple times and they still doubted him, time and time again. How can a person be delivered in such dramatic ways and still doubt the Lord? How does a person manage to muster the audacity to complain against God after seeing plagues, pillars of cloud and fire, a sea parted and an army decimated, bitter water turned pure, manna and quail, and water coming out of a rock? Well today, I feel like I may have gained some insight into this situation.
After a week and a half of seeing God provide for me in amazing and completely unexpected ways, upon moving into my dorm room in Haifa, I began to feel like complaining. When I thought about how easy it was to lose sight of everything else except for my frustration, it sort of shocked me back into thinking clearly. Somehow I realized that, just like the Israelites, I was already doubting God again even though I had seen the Him take care of me so well.
Let me recount the ways God has moved in power in my own life just since I’ve come to Israel. Although, I haphazardly came here without anyone, the Lord saw my need before it was there and he provided for me. He provided me with Dalton, Amir, Dana, Zohar, Regev, Regev’s family, Avishay, and Arik. I didn’t have a place to stay or food to eat without having to pay a lot of money, but the last week and a half, my new friends here have given us a place to stay and whatever food we want for free. I came to Israel to get to know Israeli’s hoping for good conversations with strangers and the Lord gave me friends. Whenever Dalton and I became lost or desperate, there was always some random person who would help us out. The more unpleasant or stressful the situation, the more God showed up in the end. In all these things this and in more ways than I can list, He has been completely faithful. I don’t just believe in the notion that He is faithful; I’ve tasted and seen the fruit of his faithfulness here.
But you see there’s this feeling that you get, whenever you have been in a difficult situation for a while and you get to a place where you think you’ve pushed through the worst of it, only to find that it was just the beginning. I was looking forward to Haifa as being a place where I could enjoy having a nice room to relax in. I imagined that my place here would be something like traditions at OU, nice and pleasant with cool roommates like Jermaine, with whom I would hang out with and develop relationships with. However, when I got here, after several stressful public transportation experiences, I found that it was not all I had hoped it to be. All of my roommates were in their rooms, except for one who quickly went into his without saying anything, and the place was not very nice. It would not be so bad, except that it’s Israel and there is no a/c in my room.
So, I found myself in the same situation as the Israelites, feeling abandoned and wanting to complain after witnessing great miracles of provision. How can this be?
Well, first of all, there’s the heat. There is something about being hot, that just makes you want to complain; I think if I was nice and cool right now, I would be having a much easier time maintaining a positive attitude. I imagine the same was true for the Israelites. I guess the other part, is that we are forgetful, broken, people, and we are blinded sometimes by the painfulness of being in the desert. But what I do know is that God is in the desert and the pain, and that he is close to the broken-hearted.
So Jesus, thank You for leading me into the desert in Israel. I didn’t plan on this, but I know that it is what’s best. Thank You for the brokenness and the suffering, and the fear and doubt that you deliver me from. Thank You for always providing me people, who love me and whom I can love; You have torn my heart open again and allowed me to feel new levels of love and appreciation for them. Bless the people that are praying for me. Use me in their lives as you are using them in mine. Thank You for my wonderful family and for letting me talk to Mama and Natalie tonight. God, I even thank you for the lack of air conditioning and friends right now. I embrace this desert and I look forward to the ways that you will speak tenderly to me here.
--BC
Hosea 2:14-16
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.
After a week and a half of seeing God provide for me in amazing and completely unexpected ways, upon moving into my dorm room in Haifa, I began to feel like complaining. When I thought about how easy it was to lose sight of everything else except for my frustration, it sort of shocked me back into thinking clearly. Somehow I realized that, just like the Israelites, I was already doubting God again even though I had seen the Him take care of me so well.
Let me recount the ways God has moved in power in my own life just since I’ve come to Israel. Although, I haphazardly came here without anyone, the Lord saw my need before it was there and he provided for me. He provided me with Dalton, Amir, Dana, Zohar, Regev, Regev’s family, Avishay, and Arik. I didn’t have a place to stay or food to eat without having to pay a lot of money, but the last week and a half, my new friends here have given us a place to stay and whatever food we want for free. I came to Israel to get to know Israeli’s hoping for good conversations with strangers and the Lord gave me friends. Whenever Dalton and I became lost or desperate, there was always some random person who would help us out. The more unpleasant or stressful the situation, the more God showed up in the end. In all these things this and in more ways than I can list, He has been completely faithful. I don’t just believe in the notion that He is faithful; I’ve tasted and seen the fruit of his faithfulness here.
But you see there’s this feeling that you get, whenever you have been in a difficult situation for a while and you get to a place where you think you’ve pushed through the worst of it, only to find that it was just the beginning. I was looking forward to Haifa as being a place where I could enjoy having a nice room to relax in. I imagined that my place here would be something like traditions at OU, nice and pleasant with cool roommates like Jermaine, with whom I would hang out with and develop relationships with. However, when I got here, after several stressful public transportation experiences, I found that it was not all I had hoped it to be. All of my roommates were in their rooms, except for one who quickly went into his without saying anything, and the place was not very nice. It would not be so bad, except that it’s Israel and there is no a/c in my room.
So, I found myself in the same situation as the Israelites, feeling abandoned and wanting to complain after witnessing great miracles of provision. How can this be?
Well, first of all, there’s the heat. There is something about being hot, that just makes you want to complain; I think if I was nice and cool right now, I would be having a much easier time maintaining a positive attitude. I imagine the same was true for the Israelites. I guess the other part, is that we are forgetful, broken, people, and we are blinded sometimes by the painfulness of being in the desert. But what I do know is that God is in the desert and the pain, and that he is close to the broken-hearted.
So Jesus, thank You for leading me into the desert in Israel. I didn’t plan on this, but I know that it is what’s best. Thank You for the brokenness and the suffering, and the fear and doubt that you deliver me from. Thank You for always providing me people, who love me and whom I can love; You have torn my heart open again and allowed me to feel new levels of love and appreciation for them. Bless the people that are praying for me. Use me in their lives as you are using them in mine. Thank You for my wonderful family and for letting me talk to Mama and Natalie tonight. God, I even thank you for the lack of air conditioning and friends right now. I embrace this desert and I look forward to the ways that you will speak tenderly to me here.
--BC
Hosea 2:14-16
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Two conversations
Yesterday, I spent almost the entire day just talking with different Israeli's. We were at a pool helping Amir's sister, Zohar, work at the pool's concession stand, and then we went to Amir's house to have dinner and hang out. It was crazy to encounter so many opportunities to learn more about how Israelis perceive themselves and others in just one day.
I don't have time to write about these things in extreme depth, but here are a couple of glimpses into two conversations that I won't soon forget:
Convo 1:
This is a part of a conversation between a 13 year old Jewish boy. He was an Ashkenazi Jew with big blue eyes, and curly brown hair. It was cool because we spoke in Hebrew about things I could understand, but, because he spoke English really well, when it got more complex, we were able to speak in English. Among other things, we talked about his Bar Mitzvah, God, prayer, Christianity, Judaism his grandfather coming to Israel from Romania, his father being a pilot in the Israeli Airforce, his brother having to serve in the army in a few months and what he was doing for his summer vacation. What was really amazing to me though, was hearing him speak to me about being a Jew. He was extremely articulate, I feel like he was a good example of how a common Israeli child views himself and the world. Surprisingly, it is very similar to things I have heard from adults. I will try to replicate part of it as accurately I can. This starts after we had been talking about the Holocaust.
Me: So, were you grandparents in the camps?
Boy: No. He got away. My mother told me he was naked in the snow hiding. That is all she will tell me though... have you seen the Pianist
Me: No
Boy: It is very sad. I couldn't believe it when I saw what they did.
Me: Ya I know, its crazy.
Boy: I don't understand why everyone hates us.
Convo 2:
This one was between myself and Amir, the man who has been letting us stay in his store. We were talking about different types of Judaism and the Lubavitch Rebbe, a Hasidic Rabbi whose pictures are all over the place in Israel; some people think he may be the messiah and that he is not really dead. Amir was saying that some people claimed they saw him in Europe after he died. We then started talking about how there are different types of Christians. He was not really understanding my explanation, so decided to just try to sum everything I was saying up.
Me: There are a lot of different beliefs about certain issues within Christianity, but basically, we believe that Jesus was the Messiah and we to love God , to love people, and to
follow the things Jesus taught.
Amir: Christians believe Jesus was Moshiach!?
Me: Yes.
Amir: But Jesus died!?
I don't have time to write about these things in extreme depth, but here are a couple of glimpses into two conversations that I won't soon forget:
Convo 1:
This is a part of a conversation between a 13 year old Jewish boy. He was an Ashkenazi Jew with big blue eyes, and curly brown hair. It was cool because we spoke in Hebrew about things I could understand, but, because he spoke English really well, when it got more complex, we were able to speak in English. Among other things, we talked about his Bar Mitzvah, God, prayer, Christianity, Judaism his grandfather coming to Israel from Romania, his father being a pilot in the Israeli Airforce, his brother having to serve in the army in a few months and what he was doing for his summer vacation. What was really amazing to me though, was hearing him speak to me about being a Jew. He was extremely articulate, I feel like he was a good example of how a common Israeli child views himself and the world. Surprisingly, it is very similar to things I have heard from adults. I will try to replicate part of it as accurately I can. This starts after we had been talking about the Holocaust.
Me: So, were you grandparents in the camps?
Boy: No. He got away. My mother told me he was naked in the snow hiding. That is all she will tell me though... have you seen the Pianist
Me: No
Boy: It is very sad. I couldn't believe it when I saw what they did.
Me: Ya I know, its crazy.
Boy: I don't understand why everyone hates us.
Convo 2:
This one was between myself and Amir, the man who has been letting us stay in his store. We were talking about different types of Judaism and the Lubavitch Rebbe, a Hasidic Rabbi whose pictures are all over the place in Israel; some people think he may be the messiah and that he is not really dead. Amir was saying that some people claimed they saw him in Europe after he died. We then started talking about how there are different types of Christians. He was not really understanding my explanation, so decided to just try to sum everything I was saying up.
Me: There are a lot of different beliefs about certain issues within Christianity, but basically, we believe that Jesus was the Messiah and we to love God , to love people, and to
follow the things Jesus taught.
Amir: Christians believe Jesus was Moshiach!?
Me: Yes.
Amir: But Jesus died!?
Monday, June 30, 2008
Galilee
The last two or three days in Israel have been full of peaks and valleys for me. First of all, I apologize if I sound like a whiny little girl in this post at times. I'm guessing that I will, because coming to Israel has been harder on me than I could ever have imagined.
Looking back, I planned this trip with a complete disregard for how it would feel like to so isolated from my friends and family. When I realized that if I wanted to come to Israel this summer, I would have to come alone, my desire to come to Israel told me that it wouldn't be a big deal.
It is definitely a big deal.
If being here has taught me anything so far, it’s that the people I care about are more important to me than anything else. I understood the full extent of this, looking at the sun rising over the Golan Heights onto the Sea of Galilee. It was breathtakingly beautiful and all I could think about was, “I wish I had someone I loved here to experience this with me, I wish my mom and my family and my friends could see this with me, I wish they were here to talk with and share in this with me.”
Don’t get me wrong. Camping on the shores of the Galilee was a cool experience. Walking where Jesus walked, seeing the Jordan and the Galilee and the ruins of houses and synagogues is a very cool experience, but they still felt empty to me.
I believe that I will work through most of this loneliness, but what I have realized is that it without people I love, nothing is worth anything to me. I was sitting in Capernaum, where Jesus lived and taught for a time, looking at a body of water that Jesus walked on, and I would have given almost anything to be at home, hanging out with my family.
The feelings that I have are almost certainly due in part to the newness of being a stranger in a strange land, but I think there is more to it than that. I thought that I could lone ranger it in Israel for over a month without any problem, mostly because I thought my passion for Israel would be enough to compensate for being alone, but it’s not. I know, now more than ever, that I can’t be who God is calling me to be, without community.
But, in spite of all this, I have had a wonderful day. I am back in Tel Aviv, stocking groceries in a store and talking with Amir and Regev and their friends. I’ll probably go to Jerusalem tomorrow, but right now it’s just good to be hanging out with Israeli’s. Who would have thought that I would enjoy that more than seeing all the sites in Galilee?
Anyway, it looks like the next stop will be Jerusalem. I am looking forward to seeing the sites there. Next we might go with Regev to see Masada and the Dead Sea.
Thanks again to my family and my friends for your thoughts and prayers. I miss you all and I appreciate our friendship.
--Brett
Looking back, I planned this trip with a complete disregard for how it would feel like to so isolated from my friends and family. When I realized that if I wanted to come to Israel this summer, I would have to come alone, my desire to come to Israel told me that it wouldn't be a big deal.
It is definitely a big deal.
If being here has taught me anything so far, it’s that the people I care about are more important to me than anything else. I understood the full extent of this, looking at the sun rising over the Golan Heights onto the Sea of Galilee. It was breathtakingly beautiful and all I could think about was, “I wish I had someone I loved here to experience this with me, I wish my mom and my family and my friends could see this with me, I wish they were here to talk with and share in this with me.”
Don’t get me wrong. Camping on the shores of the Galilee was a cool experience. Walking where Jesus walked, seeing the Jordan and the Galilee and the ruins of houses and synagogues is a very cool experience, but they still felt empty to me.
I believe that I will work through most of this loneliness, but what I have realized is that it without people I love, nothing is worth anything to me. I was sitting in Capernaum, where Jesus lived and taught for a time, looking at a body of water that Jesus walked on, and I would have given almost anything to be at home, hanging out with my family.
The feelings that I have are almost certainly due in part to the newness of being a stranger in a strange land, but I think there is more to it than that. I thought that I could lone ranger it in Israel for over a month without any problem, mostly because I thought my passion for Israel would be enough to compensate for being alone, but it’s not. I know, now more than ever, that I can’t be who God is calling me to be, without community.
But, in spite of all this, I have had a wonderful day. I am back in Tel Aviv, stocking groceries in a store and talking with Amir and Regev and their friends. I’ll probably go to Jerusalem tomorrow, but right now it’s just good to be hanging out with Israeli’s. Who would have thought that I would enjoy that more than seeing all the sites in Galilee?
Anyway, it looks like the next stop will be Jerusalem. I am looking forward to seeing the sites there. Next we might go with Regev to see Masada and the Dead Sea.
Thanks again to my family and my friends for your thoughts and prayers. I miss you all and I appreciate our friendship.
--Brett
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Shalom Israel
Well, I made it to Israel. After all the planning and preparation, it's weird to think that I'm finally here. I don't know what it is, but the whole process of traveling feels very strange to me. You get into a plane and several hours later you step out into a muggy walkway through the airport and out into a completely different culture.
As most of you probably know, I have a lot of love for Israel and Jewish people. Figuring out more about how God is calling me to respond to this aspect of my nature is one of the main reasons I decided to come to Israel. However, there are certainly a lot of things that seem to be standing in the way of this. For one, it's pretty hard for me to be around lots of people I don't know and that makes me feel a little anxious about traveling around in Israel. Here I feel like most people will see me as just another tourist here to buy trinkets and get my taste of the Holy Land.
On the other hand there are definitely a lot of things that have gone really well so far. I was met in the airport by a friend of mine named Dalton, who is also in Israel for a while. He and I have been staying in the attic of a grocery store, owned by a couple Israeli guys Dalton met. The store is located in a moshav near Tel Aviv. Both of the guys are really cool and I have been learning a lot from them. There names are Amir and Regev.
I don't know what I thought Israel would feel like, but right now its hard for me to tell how I feel. The constant decisions that I am having to make have been making it difficult to be present and connected.
Where we going? When are we going there? How are we going to get there? Where are we going to stay? These questions linger in my mind, demanding to be answered.
All I really want to do though is somehow just live in the moment and trust the Lord to guide my paths and my conversations. I think that this is the only way that I will be able to experience the presence of God on a moment by moment basis.
I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone who might be reading this. In truth my writing is probably pretty scattered, partially because my thoughts themselves are pretty scattered.
Anyway I feel like the Lord is leading me to Galilee right now so I've got to be going.
Thank you Jesus, for the ways that you've guided me, the ways you spoken to me and revealed yourself to me. You have always been faithful to me and you've always provided for me. I say that I trust you now for everything that I have and everything that I'm doing, even the little things. Thank you for the people you've put in my life. Thank you for Blake, for awesome heart that you've put in him, and the way that you have used him so powerfully to encourage and inspire me. Thank you for all of the Norman Community people, and how they are somehow completely different than me, and a lot like me at the same time. Most of all thank you for all of your presence, your glory, your goodness, and your love. You are everything to me.
Psalm 25: 8-10
Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
As most of you probably know, I have a lot of love for Israel and Jewish people. Figuring out more about how God is calling me to respond to this aspect of my nature is one of the main reasons I decided to come to Israel. However, there are certainly a lot of things that seem to be standing in the way of this. For one, it's pretty hard for me to be around lots of people I don't know and that makes me feel a little anxious about traveling around in Israel. Here I feel like most people will see me as just another tourist here to buy trinkets and get my taste of the Holy Land.
On the other hand there are definitely a lot of things that have gone really well so far. I was met in the airport by a friend of mine named Dalton, who is also in Israel for a while. He and I have been staying in the attic of a grocery store, owned by a couple Israeli guys Dalton met. The store is located in a moshav near Tel Aviv. Both of the guys are really cool and I have been learning a lot from them. There names are Amir and Regev.
I don't know what I thought Israel would feel like, but right now its hard for me to tell how I feel. The constant decisions that I am having to make have been making it difficult to be present and connected.
Where we going? When are we going there? How are we going to get there? Where are we going to stay? These questions linger in my mind, demanding to be answered.
All I really want to do though is somehow just live in the moment and trust the Lord to guide my paths and my conversations. I think that this is the only way that I will be able to experience the presence of God on a moment by moment basis.
I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone who might be reading this. In truth my writing is probably pretty scattered, partially because my thoughts themselves are pretty scattered.
Anyway I feel like the Lord is leading me to Galilee right now so I've got to be going.
Thank you Jesus, for the ways that you've guided me, the ways you spoken to me and revealed yourself to me. You have always been faithful to me and you've always provided for me. I say that I trust you now for everything that I have and everything that I'm doing, even the little things. Thank you for the people you've put in my life. Thank you for Blake, for awesome heart that you've put in him, and the way that you have used him so powerfully to encourage and inspire me. Thank you for all of the Norman Community people, and how they are somehow completely different than me, and a lot like me at the same time. Most of all thank you for all of your presence, your glory, your goodness, and your love. You are everything to me.
Psalm 25: 8-10
Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
Friday, June 13, 2008
What I Hope This Will Be
Though I've toyed with the idea of starting a blog in the past, it has never really taken root. Expressing my thoughts in writing has always been a fairly private enterprise for me and it is not something I do frequently. As it stands, I am somewhat of an idealist when it comes to writing. Whenever I resolve to translate a thought into words, I usually struggle and strive with it until I’ve convinced myself that I’ve articulated the thought as best as I know how. The whole process feels a lot like what I would imagine passing a kidney stone feels like. Needless to say, I am trying to move away from that. I want writing to become a pleasant and rewarding experience for me, and I’m hoping this helps. I still feel pretty precarious about displaying pieces of myself for just anyone to read, but I read a post from Blake Studdard's blog that made me want to get over that. I think to be a good writer, or any kind of artist, you have to be comfortable with disclosing parts of your soul to anyone who might care to look. I’m not saying that I think I’m some kind of an artist, but I am trying to become a good writer. I don't really know what that makes me, perhaps a neophyte, or maybe a tyro. Anyway, I think this will be good for me.
So I guess I’m going to give this a shot. I can't say that I’m going to reveal all of my inmost thoughts and feelings, but I will attempt to disclose some of them. I’ve been trying to write a book and if I feel especially intrepid one day, I may post some of it. I’m also going to Israel in a little over a week from now and I plan on using this site to keep people updated. Who knows I might even throw in some pictures.
Whatever it looks like though, I want to take the things that I’ve experienced in my life and in the time I’ve spent with the Lord and share them people. Perhaps this will be one expression of that desire.
I do appreciate those of you who will read this, and I hope that I somehow will manage to produce something that speaks to you.
So I guess I’m going to give this a shot. I can't say that I’m going to reveal all of my inmost thoughts and feelings, but I will attempt to disclose some of them. I’ve been trying to write a book and if I feel especially intrepid one day, I may post some of it. I’m also going to Israel in a little over a week from now and I plan on using this site to keep people updated. Who knows I might even throw in some pictures.
Whatever it looks like though, I want to take the things that I’ve experienced in my life and in the time I’ve spent with the Lord and share them people. Perhaps this will be one expression of that desire.
I do appreciate those of you who will read this, and I hope that I somehow will manage to produce something that speaks to you.
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